Bunny Bunny by Alan Zweibel

Author:Alan Zweibel [Zweibel, Alan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781476844459
Publisher: Applause
Published: 2013-12-06T00:00:00+00:00

Valentine’s Day

—Zweibel, you’re an idiot.

—I know.

—I can’t believe how stupid you are.

—I know.

—Why did you do it?

—I don’t know.

—Why in God’s name did you ask both your and Robin Blankman’s mothers to be in a sketch on the show?

—Well, here was the thought . . .

—I can’t wait to hear this logic.

—Robin and I have been getting along real good . . .

—Right . . .

—But our families had never met. So, since Robin and I are both Jewish . . .

—You thought it’d be a good idea to cast them as extras in a Bar Mitzvah sketch?

—Yeah.

—With Kirk Douglas playing the Bar Mitzvah boy’s grandfather?

—I thought it would be fun.

—Really. And now what do you think?

—Gilbert. I had no idea that it was going to turn into such a bloodbath.

—You didn’t?

—That they were going to hate each other at first sight? No. That one mother would bolt from rehearsal because her table in the Bar Mitzvah sketch wasn’t as close to Kirk Douglas’s table as the other mother’s table? No. And that it would take everybody in the studio, including Spartacus himself, to break up the catfight after one mother made that remark about the other mother’s closeup looking like her dog’s ass on a hot day? No. No way in hell. Why are you laughing?

—Well, think how weird it was for me – just sitting there in my dressing room when out of the corner of my eye I see all hell breaking loose on my monitor.

—It was on the monitors?

—Zweibel, it was a camera rehearsal. At a television network. Remember?

—You mean other people might’ve seen the fight, too?

—Might’ve? That picture was fed to every monitor in the building.

—Oh no . . .

—I heard John Chancellor talking about it in the commissary.

—Oh God . . .

—And I know at one point it was on all of the TV screens in the NBC family store.

—You mean tourists buying mugs with peacocks on them saw it?

—Uh-huh.

—Oh, God, no . . .

—How’s Robin dealing with all this?

—She’s pissed at me.

—She is?

—Well, she’s embarrassed. Here we were, trying our best to keep our relationship low-key and dignified, and now you’re telling me that this fiasco was beamed to our troops overseas.

—You want me to speak to Robin for you? Maybe I can cool her off a little.

—What would you say?

—That you meant well . . .

—Okay.

—. . . and that you’re an idiot.

—Good, because she tends to forget.

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